machinal warmth
Aileen Pujols
i stand under fluorescent lights, their garish glow brushing against the part in my hair and the tip
of my nose. goosebumps arise in my skin, the overgrown hair on my arm begging for release
from this apathetic basement. the tumbling stops, and a machinal warmth greets me. i put my
arms in my sweaters, unconcerned of the scalding heat that presses the aforementioned hair
down to silk. for a minute, i allow the ardor to embrace me, and i hold it back even tighter. the
hairs on the back of my neck remind me of the eternal winter i have placed myself in. a black
turtleneck sweater fresh from the dryer couldn’t rip me out of it, all it did was shake me awake.
i make my tea boiling hot, a blend of spicy ginger and soothing honey, i slowly raise my mug to
my lips, letting them curve around the concave, lingering for just a moment. each slow sip a
reminder of my first sin long gone, taken away to a place my eyes will never have the pleasure
of falling upon. a feeble attempt to recreate a 19 year burning that was extinguished a night i
can’t remember to forget.
i burrow myself in blankets, the hum of the radiator attempts to lull me to sleep with a soft song,
unknowing that it is the noise inside my mind who prohibits my slumber. whenever the voices
decide to show a bit of kindness, they allow me to dream. they fill my head with a spring that will
never come. i forget about their casual cruelty as i allow myself to drift into sunny suburban
seductions and never-ending bright blue skies. like clockwork, the winter jolts me awake with an
icy kiss on my forehead, fighting the daylight that breaks through my window.
Aileen Pujols (she/her) is a first-generation Dominican-American undergraduate student at Rider University studying Acting for Film, Television, and Theater. Her writing has been featured in two Rider Student Theater Company productions, Magic to Do Cabaret, and Lonely Hearts Club Cabaret. She has learned to combine her love for theater and writing to advocate for more Latinx representation in the performing arts.